History Doesn’t Repeat — It Plagiarizes
America was having trouble; what a sad, sad story.
We need our new leader to restore its former glory.
Where oh where is he, and MAGA appeared. Springtime
For America, and winter for the world.*
My name is Adolf Hitler. Rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated. I survived my bunker and have influence over the most powerful countries in the world. I am writing this letter because I’m tired of American plagiarism and not being rewarded. It’s one thing to follow my ideas and quite another to copy them without credit—or thanks for that matter.
I have taught so many to worship power over discourse, and to transform their democracies from the inside out. Forget Constitutions, and Bill of Rights. Rule by decree, and Executive Order.
Order what you want to happen, and make it happen with the stroke of a pen, and force, if necessary. Debate is for suckers. You’re a quick study, Donald.
Always state the opposite of what you mean—no foreign wars or peace means war, democracy for authoritarian rule, liberty for slavery to death. Freedom is arresting anyone who speaks out against your party or your decree. Capture the universities, subvert their discourse and arrest students who speak out. Say goodbye to Columbia’s autonomy. Harvard will rollover. If their leaders need to choose between courage and money, they’ll take the money. Meanwhile, change the curriculum for die kinder. Boys are boys and girls are girls. If a boy plays with a doll, report him to school authorities.
Ignore all that is not great for your nation. Try promoting the story that slaves willfully came to America seeking opportunities for work. Control what the major museums, like the Whitney can display. Fire anyone who wears a symbol of defiance, like a keffiyeh or doesn’t toe the line. Close down art exhibits that you don’t agree with—-no more displays of Palestinian art or art that tells the truth about slavery or racial issues. Culture matters.
Government and politics are best run as spectacles. As if they originated from my favorite place, the Coliseum in Rome. I worshiped Rome, and its grandeur. However, you are stealing my material without so much of a thanks— the renamed Kennedy-Trump Center, Trump Flags hanging from the Department of Justice, Trump Ballroom with gold embossed architecture, Trump RX medications and your signature coming on the $100 bill. Your signature on the nation’s currency is, I must admit, something new. I never did that during my reign.
Even America’s paramilitary organization, ICE, is a repeat. When I first struggled for office and events seemed ‘iffy’, I created the SS to patrol the streets and maintain order; a new order based on intimidation and violence. I ordered the leaders of the SS to enact intolerance—to pull all non-Aryans off the street, out of their cars, their homes, their schools, and businesses. Forget their rights or due process under the law. Breakdown doors, shoot people, abuse them. Threaten anyone who records events. No records, no problems.
I hated ‘aliens’ of all types, Jews, Gypsies, homosexuals, and the feeble. They were full of germs. The SS were instructed to dress in military-like uniforms and fatten up to feel important and look invincible. They only had clubs before we armed them. Double and triple the number of detention centers in order to make it difficult to find aliens nabbed by ICE. You can say they died of heart attack or heat stroke, or they were shipped to El Salvador or somewhere in Africa.
America’s Secretary of War, Mr. Hegseth, is another copycat. He parades around like a warrior declaring total war, like Goebbels, but so many of his generals are quitting he’ll soon be fighting alone. He couldn’t survive one Panzer battalion officer. The greater his personal and leadership failures, the greater his idealization of America First. He even buys suits in smaller sizes to appear bigger than he is. Rearm America, $1.3 trillion should do it.
Stack the courts. Many international leaders were against me killing Jews. I don’t know what they were so upset about. America didn’t care, neither did Russia. If it wouldn’t have been for Japan attacking America, no one would have come to rescue them.
I predicted what would happen after the war. European Jews would run to Israel and Israel would become Germany’s largest trading partner in Europe. The Jews exchanged their trauma for trade. This includes over half a billion dollars recently spent on co-developing surveillance equipment and AI weapons used to monitor and kill ‘aliens’, Palestinians and protestors. We don’t tolerate their protests in Germany, and the Israelis don’t tolerate them in Palestine or Israel. America’s all for it. While you’re at it, bomb Iran.
Finally, I expect residuals for duplicating my material without pay. It’s embarrassing how comfortable you are in plagiarizing my plans, almost like you’re an insider. Ante up.
Springtime for America,
Winter for the world
All’s fair in love and war
*Springtime For Hitler, Broadway version, Lyrics Mel Brooks